Staying in It

Staying When It Would Be Easier to Leave: A Note from One SisterFriend to Another

A pivot is not only the moment you change direction. It is also what happens after, when the new direction has not yet opened doors, brought answers, or made room for you in the way you had hoped.

For Black, Brown, and Indigenous women, this waiting can carry its own weight. We know what it means to bring vision, preparation, and energy into spaces that do not always recognize us quickly. Spaces not designed to see our brilliance. And, spaces that work hard to dim our shine.

That is often when people turn back. Not because the pivot was wrong, but because the new direction is not visible.
Could you give it more time? What you began deserves more than a quick conclusion.

Stay with it a little longer.

With love,
Belinda

SisterFriend Reflection: Staying in it
‍ ‍”I am deliberate and afraid of nothing.”
—Audre Lorde

There is a point after you have taken a step when nothing seems to happen. No response. No confirmation. No clear indication that anything has shifted. You are met with a whole lot of silence. And it is in that tension that something else begins. Not externally, but internally. You start to question what you did, whether it mattered. Whether you should have done something differently. Did you reach too high? Was your dream too big? Should you continue at all?

For many Black, Brown, and Indigenous women, this is not only discouraging but also familiar. We know what it means to carefully and meticulously prepare, over-prepare at times, show up fully, and still wait longer than others for recognition, support, or a response. And because we are used to carrying so much, there can be pressure to make quick decisions in the absence of affirmation. To move on. To shut it down. To assume the silence is the answer. We feel we have no time to waste. Waiting is not a virtue. Waiting is a luxury we do not have.

But silence is not always an ending. It can simply be the space between what you started and what is to come. This is the part we do not talk about enough. What does it take to remain after the first step? To stay when there is no immediate return. To continue when there is no visible movement. To resist the urge to decide too quickly that nothing is happening or will happen. To quiet the fear bubbling up between your head and heart that would distract you from the purpose. The small voice that brings up your few past missteps, rather than focusing on your many successes.

What do you do when you are tempted to leave too soon? I encourage you to consider Audre Lorde’s advice: be deliberate without fear and stay in it. You stay long enough to see what becomes of what you have already set in motion. How will you know when it is time to move on? Honestly, I cannot answer that for you. I am confident you will know for yourself. I’ve seen it happen. It has happened to me. Don’t give up now. You put too much into it. And, you may miss your blessing.

Purpose Meets Strategy (Take 10 Minutes)

Take time to return to the one thing you stepped away from too quickly.

It may not be written. It could be:

• a conversation you avoided

• a space you choose not to enter

• something new that felt uncomfortable.

Instead of deciding what it means, stay with it.
If it’s written, open it and read it out loud.
If it is a situation, imagine yourself back in it.

Notice your first reaction, impatience, doubt, or the urge to leave.
Do nothing about it.
Just remain with it for the full 10 minutes.
This is practice.
Not changing it.
Not advancing it.
But staying long enough to interrupt the instinct to step away.

May you remain steady in the absence of immediate results.
May you give your efforts the time they ned to take shape.
And may you stay long enough to see what becomes of what you began.

If this reflection resonates with you, share it with a SisterFriend who might need it today.