You Do Not Have To Pay Attention To Every Thought You Have
You Do Not Have To Pay Attention To Every Thought You Have: A Note from One SisterFriend to Another
For Black, Brown, and Indigenous women, self-doubt can become loud in spaces where we have to prove ourselves over and over again. When we are exhausted, disappointed, or overwhelmed, every fearful thought can begin to sound true. But not every thought deserves your attention. Some thoughts are rooted in fear. Some are shaped by exhaustion. Some are trying to convince you that you are not enough.
Pause before you believe them.
Take a breath.
Rest if you need to.
Look again.
There is still beauty worth experiencing.
There is still something worth noticing.
There is still more to the story than what fear is telling you right now.
With love,
Belinda
SisterFriend Reflection: You Do Not Have To Pay Attention To Every Thought You Have
”I am deliberate and afraid of nothing.”
—Audre Lorde
There was a season when I was having a particularly difficult time parenting as a single mother. I will not tell my child’s story here. That belongs to her. But I can tell you what was happening inside of me. A series of things had come up that I thought I had a handle on. I did not. And I remember wanting to have a full pity party. Not a small one. A real one.
I began questioning everything. Whether motherhood had been the right choice for me. Whether the decisions I had made were wrong. Whether I had missed something important. Whether I was doing enough, giving enough, seeing enough. The thoughts came quickly. And they were not gentle. At some point, I took a breath. Then I slept. And when I woke up, everything was not suddenly fixed. I was still exhausted. The circumstances had not magically changed.
But something in me shifted. I stopped looking only at what was wrong and began looking for what was right. Not everything. I could not get to everything. But I could start small. One thing I could change. One thought I did not have to keep rehearsing. One moment of beauty I could still hang onto.
My therapist once said something to me that helped tremendously: You do not have to pay attention to every thought you have. I have carried that with me. Because when self-doubt gets loud, it can feel like every thought deserves a hearing. Every fear feels urgent. Every question feels like the truth. But they are not all true.
Some are from speaking from exhaustion. Some are feer trying to protect you. Some are old wounds looking to surface again. So if you begin to question yourself, know this:
You do not have to follow every doubt.
Take a step back.
Breathe.
Rest if you can.
Look again.
Look for what is still beautiful.
What is still lovely.
What is still working, even if it is small.
Purpose Meets Strategy (Take 10 Minutes)
To create space between yourself and the thoughts that are asking to be believed too quickly.
Take 10 minutes and step away from the noise.
Put your phone down.
Leave the room if you need to.
Sit somewhere quiet.
Then notice the thoughts that keep repeating.
Do not argue with them.
Do not try to solve them.
Just ask:
Is this thought helping me move with clarity?.
Or is it pulling me deeper into fear, exhaustion, or shame?
Then gently shift your attention.
Look for one thing that is still good.
One thing that is still working.
One thing that reminds you that this moment is not your whole story.
May you pause before believing every fearful thought.
May you find joy in the midst of uncertainty.
And may you continue to see what is still beautiful, even in difficult seasons.
If this reflection resonates with you, share it with a SisterFriend who might need it today.